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Introduction to Female-Led Relationships



We’ve heard of Femdom and BDSM, now we’ve got FLRs. What is it, really?

Female Led Relationships (FLRs) are, as its name suggests, relationships led by women. The term could be closely related to BDSM as they come from the same tree, but FLR is a more general term that covers not just a pair’s sexual dynamic, but the relationship as a whole.

Although females are the dominant figure in this type of relationship, it is important to note that the level of control must always be negotiated by both parties and agreed upon. Consent is still necessary, no matter how extreme a relationship style or preference is.


Levels of control, you say?

FLRs don’t strictly translate to females taking complete control over men and making the men do whatever they say. There are varied degrees and levels of female authority:


canstockphoto208515011. Low control

Simply, the decision-making process is a consensus between the couple at this level. The majority of the time, men will make the decisions, while women are given enough room to exercise their authority that can allow them to not follow traditional gender roles from time to time.



canstockphoto410758472. Moderate control

Women are in charge of day-to-day decisions in this level and have the final say over certain aspects. They can delegate tasks to their partner and assume responsibility in some instances where men would normally decide on.




canstockphoto575381343. Defined control

Areas women have control over are clearly laid out and men avoid stepping over that boundary. In this level, women would take on roles that are traditionally for men. This level is also where partners switch up roles during sex, leading men to become more submissive in bed.



canstockphoto353624314. Extreme control

This level of authority is when men would relinquish all control while the women’s authority is absolute and uncontested. This is the most common level of control desired by submissives.

She makes the decisions regarding all important matters (like financial or career decisions) down to the most trivial ones, while men are expected to respect and follow each decision. Intimacy centers around punishment, shaming, denial with the help of bondages, vibrating toys, whips, and even chastity devices, such as The Vice.

Although extreme control in FLRs is undoubtedly non-traditional, more and more couples find that it gives increased pleasure and intimacy over traditional relationships. Acts such as delaying orgasm – either through chastity or repeated edging – creates a stronger final orgasm, and ultimately, a deeper affection towards the person that controls it.


Do female-led relationships work?

canstockphoto61766630Trying out a new relationship style could be beneficial to couples who are looking to spice things up, get to know their partner’s interests and kinks, discover preferences of intimacy they didn’t know they liked, or even just those who would not want to adhere to the traditional concepts of femininity and masculinity.

FLRs may be a no-brainer to relationships where the woman already has a dominant personality or the man prefers to be the submissive one, but it could also be a game changer to those who want to be emancipated from ingrained cultural concepts of what a relationship should be like.

Something to remember: a female-led relationship is not for everybody. Its uncommon dynamic which challenges traditional gender roles may be a hard pill to swallow for some, and that’s okay.

Extreme types of relationships, like FLRs, require a different level of openness from both males and females; so, having conversations about experimenting on a new relationship style with your partner is always worth the time!

If difficulties are experienced while transitioning to this new style, consulting experts or advisors could help with the situation. Online forums such as FetLife and Reddit can also be a great resource to learn and ask questions. Researching activities, devices, and even toys that could enrich the experience could be done by couples together so they could meet and agree. At the end of the day, every type of tool or relationship style is meant to benefit both parties, no matter gender-led preference.

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